slackjaw
as much as i miss her, it was grandma's time to walk with the grim reapster
i think the red line crossing out the swastika on your shirt could be a tad thicker
i was really moved by your beautiful trombone solo until you pressed a button and made the instrument ejaculate a liter of spit
you don't like my bedazzled crown of thorns? wow, so now you're persecuting me like i'm Jesus Christ
oh no, i just realized i'll never be able to see the elephant's foot at chernobyl!
the many ways to pronounce potato and tomato
excuse me, one of the strippers stole my hat and i'd appreciate if i could have it back please
sheriff flirts with tumbleweed that has juicy, feminine lips
world record marathon times vs. how long it took to drive the same length
biblical figures stub their toe
i don't feel like the dish soap we fed those oil-covered ducks really did anything helpful
no, i didn't name my child michael jordackson so he'd aspire for greatness as an nba player or world-renowned musician (featured)
SIR, I AM NOT PLEASURING MYSELF TO THE PIN-UP GIRLS PAINTED ON THE SIDE OF THE WARPLANES, SIR
parallel universes where a football coach wins the game and the team dumps gatorade on him (featured)
words and phrases banned from the U.S. mint staff email where employees print $38 million a day for $40,000 a year (featured)
on second thought, swallowing my car keys to avoid getting carjacked was probably a bad idea (featured)
suggestions from the suggestion box at my teppanyaki restaurant where i make all the food with my bare hands (featured)
FAQ about the hell button i had installed in the elevator (featured)
broadcast of a baseball game between dads checking on a sound in the middle of the night with baseball bats and louisville slugger factory workers who test bats for quality assurance (featured)
the total amount of money in each of our swear jars since 147 chilean rose hair tarantulas invaded our home as heard on Seersucker Live 2020
list: 20 more eerie coincidences between lincoln & JFK's assassinations
scooby doo's best man speech at shaggy's wedding
i'm out of order? you're out of order! this whole court is out of order!
can you turn off the heart monitor while i perform this surgery, it's making me really nervous
if you gave me money, i wouldn't be mad
worst times to play the name game
the lyrics to kool & the gang by the band kool & the gang off their debut album "kool and the gang"
results of the survey I conducted asking people if they like my new hat
a list of every notable person who wore a hitler mustache
how NFL teams got their names best of the year: editor's picks of 2022
i love self-checkout because i never steal and i always pay for each of my items every time best of the year: editor's picks of 2022
closing credits from the biopic of charles lindbergh's baby
i'm a 9 year old piano prodigy and pay no mind to the scars all over my body
whoever keeps spreading rumors around about me being really charming needs to stop it right now
the doctor says i need more cheese in my diet and that you can take it up with him if you disagree or think i'm lying because i'm not best of the year: editor's picks of 2021
a layman's understanding of food recipes
angel & devil on my shoulders can agree on one thing: the dandruff also on my shoulders is gross best of the year: editor's picks of 2020
trash can can't handle much more after empty shampoo bottle thrown away
father, why does our family tree go dark in the 1930s and '40s and then resurface in 1987?
i thought i had an okay car until an amber alert showed me that the abductors had a better one
smokelong quarterly comedy prize 2021
age i was at my whitest: a comprehensive study (PDF)
